Showing posts with label Film. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Film. Show all posts

Sunday, 25 June 2023

Soooo... About the Ballad of Buster Scruggs....

It has taken me a very long time to watch this film in a single sitting, and a very long time tolerating it, so much so that upon completion and having given it some years, I immediately searched the internet for people of a like mind as me; that being that it's a load of rubbish.

There are a few out there, mostly on hidden secret dark little corners; of which clearly this is another example.

The open chorus of plaudits for this film, if we can call it that, all fall into two broad but terrifying categories.  The first are Cohen brother fans, they won't be deterred and I can agree with them on some of the points they raise.  It looks great, the cinematography and sets are for the most part great and it has call backs to great westerns.... Like the name of the Bank.... Little nuggets of gold itself.  And individually the performances are great.


The second group are those voices which really annoy me, they say "you have to be smarter" to get the joke... To read between the lines.... To understand the history.... These people are the worst, not the least as their attitude is very insulting, which it very much is, and condescending.  But really we are not dumb, we are not being obtuse and really should we need a social education background in order to comprehend some of these stories?  No, not really.

So in order, and I am going to go from memory here, we have:

Buster the gun slinger story.
The Bank robbery.
The Gold Prospector.
The limbless Thespian.
The Wagon Train.
The Stage Coach.

The weakest is the Stage Coach, just extremely weak, and unlike the others it looks the worst.  And it was really hard to watch, really quite boring and ultimately had no point.  You can tell me it did have a point, but watch it again... Did it?  Really?

The Wagon Train, it had something, there was something there.... I was even hoping that Billy/William and Alice would tie the knot but then the other Wagon Guide would fly into a jealous rage, like there was some homosexual tension or active romance the younger man was basically calling off; just something which would have explained the story, nothing did... Sure I watched the story, but it was a pointless story.

The Bank Robbery had a very strong start, you had the explanation of the previous robber being kept alive for the Marshal for three weeks and ending up doing hard labour, instead we cut to James Franco strung up... Twice... Just... Erg, there was no fabric, the two halves of it made no connection to one another save for his horse not listening to him, that was the only link between front and back.

We're half way through this production, I can already see in the last story it was simply rushed and done very much to a budget, but was pointless, so we're not far from useless.

Again the Wagon Train, slow burn start, quite interesting middle, the tension over the marriage... But then, just as you think... "Oh the lover of Billy saved Alice, now he's properly torn between the two" or something... boom... literally, killed the plot.

The title carrier, Buster Scruggs, well that was my favourite of the stories (closely followed by the Prospector) I thought that was going to be the whole style of the film, heck it is its very title.  But then they shot that down fast, and the looney toons soul rising to heaven scene.... It reminded me of the laughing hyena's at the end of Who Frames Roger Rabbit.... And just was no in keeping, it was so jarring for the whole rest of the film.  And it ultimately made no sense, like if we saw the spirits of the other gun slingers he fought, maybe.... There might have been an Undead PD thing, or a Frighteners Wild West style thing... But no, no pay off, just... a song.

This leaves the Prospector to save the film, and I have to be honest, it was slow, but my favourite story.... His throwing away ANY gold though, even little flakes in the first few pans... Just so they can say "keepers, we're getting to keepers" is pointlessly annoying, and really flies in the face of the "you need to know the history kind"... really, know the history, ever seen anyone knowingly discard gold?  But it had an interesting parable with an echo of echo message, he entered a virgin, un touched wild, dug holes, shared with the owl, nature reclaiming it almost immediately with the deer at the end... Even though they were just holes he made little impact but got what he wanted, which is a good way to think.

Rather than watch, ride on someone else's efforts and steal from nature, from the Prospector.... It's a moral tale and the only one to pick out of the bunch.

If either of the brothers were to ever read this meager gaggle of gripes, I'd say to them to loose the yes men, sometimes things aren't very good, you done goofed boys.

Friday, 19 February 2021

Is that racist?....

 I'm no extended universe aware person when it comes to Star Wars, but something has been baffling me lately... Admiral Ackbar... Who?


Yes him... The guy in the big ship (see how noob I am talking about this stuff?) in Return of the Jedi who says "Its a trap" well, he has always looked rather aquatic to me, like a shrimp or something a fish.

I assumed this was just his thing, the designer had a thing for fish... 


Instead I found out he's actually from the species "Mon Calamari"... yeah... Calamari... You know.... Cooked Squid.

And I look at Ackbar there... and I think about a squid.. and I think... "Oh... Is that racist?"



Tuesday, 6 November 2018

Hackers....

God I love this film...


Monday, 2 July 2018

Is It Filmable? Ready Player One

Quite controversially, amongst the fans of the book, I really liked the film called Ready Player One...


See what I did there?  I separated the book from the film... They have the same name in the sense that we call a Guinea Pig a pig... But they're not pigs and despite borrowing a few parts this film is not of the much better book.

Why the divergence?  Well, simply put the appeal would have been too niche, the geek chique of even knowing about RP1 is far below the radar scatter detection level of a Hollywood film executive or producer squad, and sadly gone are the games of rock or pop stars funding a film just "so they can see it" (*cough* shout out to George Harrison there).

The book therefore does not have a main stream enough appeal to warrant the investment as it would likely not make any return, where have we heard this before?


Putting aside human interest, the logistics...  Technically the story told in the produced film is far more technically and spectacular with the visual effects, so logistically yes of course the story of the book could be physically manifested, so logistics really comes down to copyright infringement and matters of runtime.

For instance the book takes you through the re-enactment of other films...


You can't show another film in its entirety within another film, however the text of the book doesn't do this, nor does it show us all of the Holy Grail, you get exerts.  The film of RP1 went with the Shining, seeing even the references to WarGames and Holy Grail as too niche, so I can make my peace with the films decision, but I can't say that either reenacting parts of another film were not possible.  Indeed in the case of Holy Grail, do we not have Spammalot still on stage!  An adaption of the original film, so there's logistical barrier, it's all legalities which are not insummountable and to make the book into celluloid you only have to reparaphrase the little to make the whole so much more.

That said, I like the current film, but it is not RP1.

Therefore, technically, logistically and legals surmounted you could film the actual text of RP1...

You just couldn't make it stick on the silver screen, it would not fly... Maybe Netflix could make it and maybe not into a film but a multi-part series?

Friday, 15 June 2018

Is is Filmable? Red-Storm Rising

I've often asked this question "is it filmable", such as the age old argument that the Lord of the Rings was not filmable before Peter Jackson proved that theory wrong... Sort of (cough).

So what don't I think is filmable?  Well, the Tom Clancy novel "Red Storm Rising".


I really like this book, I read it every couple of years and get really engrossed in the concept of what a war in the Europe of my youth would have been actually like.

Remember, I'm a kid who played on the beaches of Skegness (in the UK) when A10 Warthogs were flying low over the coastline in dummy strafing runs, we could find spent 50'cal bullets (metal and a stone line practice bullet too) from their activities and we read up avidly about the new to service Tornado jet.

I have a vivid and expectant concept of that that war might have been, everything from blistering nuclear instant death, to a lingering radioactive malaise, to the starvation induced strangling of Britain's sea-trade by the Red menace.

We all know it never came to pass, but this novel visualizes it, you get the interspersed stories from a single tank commander, to the infantry on the ground, A10 pilots are mentioned and the desperate struggle of the high-seas as well as the personal impact on civilians on Iceland.

Could it ever be filmed?  Certainly the CG is out there to allow it, and perhaps convincingly, so technically yes this story could be told on screen.

The question therefore is should it be made?  With the current resurgence in an autocratic mind-set from Russian voters you could argue that the days gone-by of the Soviet regime are actually echo'd on the streets of Moscow today, but that feeling is tempered a much more cosmopolitan mixing of peoples and business, even organised crime.  All completely change the social-political landscape of Russia.

What was once a far-away distant disturbing land, is still very far away and still disturbing, but it's far far less distant, we can all connect to Russian news, feel the pulse of Russian politics.  We all even watched their invasion (yes I'm afraid I sit on the fence of it being an invasion) of the Crimea, literally taking it from Ukraine.

A moment of pride to some I'm sure, but a sign of things to come?  Maybe, I never felt that was a war which would go hot, I don't think anyone in the west had the stomach for a war with Russia, submarines off the coast of Sweden, incursions into Ukraine and the murder of airline passengers all passed without serious repercussions.

But you film Red Storm Rising, you put that story out there, from the perspective given in the book.  I think that would get serious repercussion and denounced in the Russian press as scare mongering, I really do.

That's why its unfilmable, because Russia.


Tuesday, 23 May 2017

RIP Roger Moore

Today has gone from bad to worse... Aside from the tragic attack in Manchester, for which I'm sure we all send out heart felt thoughts, I also want to send my little thoughts to the family of my favourite Bond.... Sir Roger Moore


I think it perhaps fitting tribute that just this weekend we enjoyed his dashing portrayal of our favourite double 0 in "The Man with the Golden Gun".

Saturday, 28 February 2015

Gaming & Films - Blade Runner 2 - Robin Hood X

What has been going down in groove town?... Well, I have to say, Elite wise, not a lot... I've been very busy with the office job, doing 12+ hour days all week.

I've finished the project I was on however, and am happy to sit now puzzled that everything was such a rush, because unlike some other developers around here, when I say something will get done... I do it.


Immediately, I just think.... "NOOOOOOOOO"..... A long strong voice, showing my lineage as a chronic moaner and critic... Just... "Nooooo"....

This then came to my searches and it sums things up....


Or perhaps this.... 


But, I dunno, we're yet to see Ford in the new Star Wars, maybe he can still act and this isn't just like letting Paul McCartney still sing (he can't sing anymore, if you didn't realise and his nurse hasn't told him).

More closer to home, I also spotted this film ditty...


Yes, a "Pirate's of the Caribean" style hood romp... Hmm... I wonder if like "Into the Woods", it'll be a fucking musical?!?!?


So, if I'm not up to Elite Trade Data code, what am I up to?... Well, the office is nearly all sorted, I'm also signed up to Twitch now, OpenBroadcaster and some other options are being tweaked about with, so expect some live streams of gameplay, of development and perhaps even a special once a week segment of the wife hassling me whilst I play (this is particularly funny, as she doesn't know anything, but insists on playing Zombie games, then complains how gorey they are!).

Expect to see more gaming content over the weekend!

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Into The Woods : It's A Fucking Musical!

Stop, stop right there... Yes even you at the back... Stop...

Watch this...


Right, you watched that, which is the official trailer from July 2014 for "Into The Woods"... Right, you may have recognised a few of the cast, James Corden, Meryl Streep, Tracy Ulman, Chris Pine, Anna Kendrick and the delectable Emily Blunt...

Looks a pretty cool film from that trailer...

You know what this trailer totally and utterly does NOT contain?...

Singing...

You know what none of those cast members are really known for?...

Singing...

Johnny Depp, we forgave you for the Demon Barber bullshit, but why are you here in this for like five minutes flat?  Seriously, five minutes and you got a special "and Johnny Depp" in the titles...

Yes, folks, this fucking film is full of singing, it's a musical... Something I, my wife and my mother-in-law failed to spot before paying to see this fucking thing last weekend.

We went based on this very trailer, we saw that before another film a few weeks before and thought this was pretty much just our sort of thing... Ner.

It's a fucking musical, I saw it say at the beginning "From the Director of Chicago", and I thought... "I hope that's the gangster kind, not that singing shit"... FUCK.

We were genuinely surprised and a little let down, the film was okay, there are glaring problems with the plot, which they wound up and threw away... "Jack your mother died"... no she didn't, she bumped her head, what the fuck!??!?!

Meryl Streep was very good, but they just disposed of her character in the oddest way, and the ending was rubbish...

The family sat behind us in the packed auditorium summed it up best... As the little girl turns to her Dad... "That was a nice film, how long have we been here?".... And his reply "I don't know, but it feels like forever".

I nearly fell asleep at one point, but I'm not paying £9.50 to fall asleep... I feel a little ripped off, and I'd never have gone to see the film with a more representative trailer.

The November 2014 Trailer is different in one key way... Yes, it includes the singing.



Thursday, 11 September 2014

RIP Richard Kiel

We wish the best to Richard's family, for today one of the great characters from British Filmography passed away, Richard Kiel.

Known, or perhaps renowned for his role as Jaws in two Bond films, we all loved Jaws, as the go to Bond hence man.


Fittingly or not, that Richard's passing has made bigger news in Britain today than the anniversary of the 9/11 Attacks.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Film Non-Sense : Re-Animator

We've been watching some really weird films of late, I've been trying to get the wife to watch something's I consider good, but which she just considers too much trouble...

My ultimate aim is being getting her to watch, understand and get "Amelie" in French and "Night Watch" and "Day Watch" in Russian...

Last night we started off with "Re-Animator", something I consider a classic... I leave the obvious observations behind, but something struck me as hilarious, something I'd not spotted before or at least not been conscious of being a teenager watching this mid-80's video nasty.

There's a scene in the film where they first animate a corpse, and the Dean of the university comes down and challenges them... And... He gets killed... So they reanimate him, of course, like you do... He of course goes crazy, so they lock him up in a padded cell, so the next shot...


We have him in his padded cell, he's salivating blood, he's banding his head on the glass......

BUT...

And this is where I lost it....

This padded cell, the window opens on his office... With his awards on the wall...!?!?!?!



I was so busy laughing I couldn't figure out, "Did they bring his awards to show him how human he was?"  OR... "Did this sick fuck have a padded cell to watch random victims bounce off the walls as entertainment?"

I'm not sure which was worse?  But it entertained me....


Especially when his daughter is co-oped to sign the frontal lobe surgery in that very room...

Come to think of it, the office is probably the "bad" doctor there... But why has he got a padded cell in his fucking office?!?!?!?

Friday, 13 December 2013

Tale of Two Jacks

I'm a bit of a film buff, and I've come to the conclusion we could have seen the quiet sinister Robert DeNiro from Meet the parents in 2000 around 15 years previously if the casting for Brazil had gone differently...

De Niro plays the part of "Tuttle" in Brazil, but he originally wanted to be the far more nuanced "Jack Lint", played by Michael Palin.

Palin as a national treasure in the UK is surprising and perfect in the role of Lint, he brings the stable family man side of thing to fruition and adds a professional air, and you so easily just go along and assume that the chap is just a normal office worker, that is until you see blood on his apron, he's a professional, ruthless and utterly unscrupulous torturer for the government.  And that makes Palin's portrayal of Lint all the more gruesome.


However in 2000 De Niro gave us the comedic, but brooding, slightly worrying portrayal of another "Jack", this time Jack Byrnes... The quiet study constructed below the house, the lie detector, they have that echo of Jack Lint in them, and I wonder how would Brazil have been different with DeNiro away from the swashbuckler role of Tuttle and into the more evil role of Lint.

I'm not so sure at the time (1985) DeNiro would have been as openly accepted as the friendly family guy, but his reputation would have been easily accepted in the torturing role.


Could the two swap places in time?  Perhaps not, through Palin's repute as the "Nicest man on the BBC", bring thoroughly milked by the role.  But perhaps if DeNiro had the Lint role, the quiet guy a murderer at heart the "Meet the Parents" collaboration would have been very different.

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

When will they leave my childhood alone?

I watched the original Commando with the wife the other night, and laughed myself silly. I love that film, and I love how Anrie refused to play in the sequel and that became "Die Hard".... see these little bits of trivia....

But... but....


WHAT THE FUCK?

Robocop, now this?!??!?!  When will they fuck off?

Thursday, 20 June 2013

Porn or Cinema

I'm pretty sure if a man was directing this, it'd just be called "Porn", but because a woman is directing, it'll be considered legit cinema.



Monday, 20 August 2012

R I P Tony Scott - By Tweet of course....


I've just heard the news about Tony Scott, I await to find out why he has seemingly committed suicide and can only say it is a sad day for both his family and the movie world at large.

But I must also ask, when did it become acceptable for a reporter, specifically the hacks at the BBC to just make a trifle comment and then quote over a half dozen tweets, why is that journalism?... Why is just quoting what a load of other people, on a very informal system, have said news worthy?...

I find the messages themselves fine, but why quote Stephen Fry, Robert Rodriguez, Duncan Jones and all the other peoples from their twitter accounts?... Is it just to name drop?... Something I believe is very much frowned upon in social graces, and this is my problem with it seeing so many tweets reguritated verbatim simply seems like bad form to me, bad social style.

And as much as tweeter seems to be de rigueur at the moment I think we'll one day look back on these reports and it'll sadden us that our news, solid real history happening around us, is being recorded in such a hap hazard, low brow, fashion.

Monday, 25 June 2012

Prometheous Promise Pants


I'm going to sound a little daft here, but I went to see Prometheous yesterday, and I came out feeling... really really angry about it... I had this idea in my head of it explaining a few things with the Alien franchise, with some proper "Oh my god we can't escape this thing, oh my god no matter how careful we are, oh my god its loose" style terror... Instead I sat there, and was treated to an impressive visual display, but no real meat on the bones of the story.

The eligmatic looking "Engineers" the star jockey of Alien fame... Turns to be a really rather confused, unexplained, unfocussed character... There's no real explanation for them, no explanation for anything... Its a film without a story except to cause a follow up film, which it will...

And I sat there thinking... This is Ridley Scott... This is... This is shite.

It annoyed me on so many levels, firstly... Scientific method... There's an alien world, a archeological site, they know nothing about... "Yeah take your helmet off man"... good idea... NOT.... There's these things they change with activity... open the chamber fuck it up.... I mean Howard Carter understood the problems of opening tombs why in 2093 don't we...

Then the date... 2093.... I know Ridley Scott will be dead by then, but I don't plan to be... I'll sit there and think... "Oh yeah another spaceship film full of shit".... and that's what I think about it now.

The unexplained attack with the DNA stuff by the robot on the scientist... There was no point in that... I mean... He ends up getting fried... so why bother?... The alien in her womb... pointless... The Star jockey chasing her down... Pointless... The head of David... "I know we've had our differences"... yeah... erm... WHEN?... Did I miss part of the plot here, was the Differences CUT from the film?... Because... really... there were no differences... there were no crossed words... Save for him taking her cross off her, which he did do for a reason and nicely.

I mean... It was all hung together so precariously...

Charlize Theron's character... she didn't need to be there at all...

Guy Pearce... Playing an old man, decent make up... they made a good effort... his feet were old... But did anyone notice, as the scene flicks to the mid-distance and the Robot is handing his slippers, the feet Guy slips into the slippers were young?... It broke the illusion....

It has, for me, ruined the imagary of the Star Jockey... For that first ship was crashed on some distant, very deep space moon, and was hundreds of years forward of this shit film... This shit film was two years of intersteller travel out... two years.

You know what... I can't slate it enough... It was bad, poorly put together, poorly scripted... not terribly well cast... and ruins the work that's gone before... They'venot done a George Lucas style reworking... but they've reworked something that didn't need reworking.

Sunday, 4 December 2011

Slice a Penny Off Of Each Transaction Hack...

So, I'm sat this evening just going through some old videos (VHS Tapes, you know those old things before digital storage)... and one of them I've pulled up is "Hackers" from 1995... an instant, if in accurate technically, classic for the hacking, freaking, social engineering and coding worlds.

I'd always had this information filed away in the back of my mind, but the hack involved is a worm, which takes fractions of a cent from each transaction at a huge firm... Sound Familiar?... It should, its the same sort of thing as Richard Prior was drafted in to do in Superman III... and that hack itself was used as the basis (directly) for the hack mentioned in "Office Space"...

Come to think of it, its a pretty weary, well worn hack... One which clearly saunters into the movie executive world in different guises every ten years or so...

My question is... who's going to use it next?  iPhone is huge, Steve Jobs has gone to the great "fuck you all do it my way" shack in the sky... how long before someone puts eCredit, or Wireless banking, or whatever through the "skim 0.00001 cents each time" rigmarole?

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Film the Book


When you buy an audio book you have choices... you either buy the abridged, or the unabridged version...

When you go to see a feature film you get to pick from the theatrical release... or wait for the director's cut...

When you buy a film on DVD you can choose different formats and from different cuts, like the director's cut, the editors cut etcetera.

How long before a company starts to make the unabridged version of films from their books?

A film which faithfully follows the books layout and plot... Peter Jackson and his editorial team, as well as his technical team at Weta, are quite good at this, but even they had to cut and chop and splice LOTR together...

So how long before a director/writer/editor team dare to use their budget to make a film as it was written?

How many times have you heard someone say "Oh the book was better"... there's a reason for this, the book (usually) contains a better narrative, more plot rounding (not jarring cuts) and we don't chop and change focus of the readers mind's eye... that is called "grip" in the filmmakers vocabulary... and many films really lose their grip.

All this comes to me because last night I watched Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows part 2... now having read the books, and watched the films, it's obvious they cut thousands of pages from the books out of the films.  The films are, at times, nothing but mere shadowy approximations of the books and in some cases you could even call the official franchised film non-canon in comparison with the book it is trying to illustrate.

So, it got me thinking, firstly could anyone ever film a book to the letter?  Probably not, time constraints and the limited appeal of such a mammoth length film would never allow it to reach the audience, let alone get past the ever budget mindful studio boss... But, would such a filming titan have an audience... in today's always connected digital fingertip world... I think it would very definitely have an audience... would it be a money maker, probably not with current filmography budgets and revenue streams.  But alternative revenue streams for such an endeavour exist... with a large enough film franchise - like the Potter series you could almost rely on the promise of a faithful film edition to fund itself through advertising on the support material or pre-orders alone...

 But, let's just assume it will get past all the people & cost red tape... could it be physically achieved?  I think it could, in fact I think the precedence was set nearly 90 years ago.  The film "Greed" of 1924 aimed to be over ten hours long, it was originally a faithful reproduction of the 1899 novel by Frank Norris... but ultimately this mammoth production was cut to just under two and a half hours... but the full ten were filmed!

Maybe before 2024 someone needs to take the same spirit from that production and film the lot, like for like, one for one... there are no limits to filming... digital costs so little... The question really is, what will be the first franchise to try this task then?  Something old? Something new? Something clearly which has the gravitas... Maybe Harry Potter could have had that gravitas, certainly the later more mature films... But now Harry will forever be Mr Radcliff... and he's too old to play his childhood self once more...