Operational Embarassment

Today I bring you a story, a true story, from my very own past.  You may have seen the "broken feet" link on this very page, so yeah I broke both my ankles at the same time falling off a roof.

Fast forward just under two years and I need an operation as the joint are going bad.

On the day of the operation I am handed a lovely double hospital gown and the lady checks who, what and why I am there... The surgeon see's me and puts a big big black arrow on my right leg and I am shown into the pre-op waiting room to just wait.

I am the first case, but they want to pre-op everyone, and slowly the waiting room fills with men in the same garb.

No-one speaks.... No-one.

This is quite strange with us blokes, and to be honest I find it a little freaky, as I'm sat there with my big black felt arrow on my ankle I just joke... "Bet we can guess what I'm having done".

ALL OF THEM, and there's like six guys now, all stony faced.  They don't look at me, they don't look at one another.... Nothing, nada, zip.

What the heck?

So I'm up first, off I go, limping out and am taken to theatre.

I am a quirky case, as not only am I first, but I am to be awake during the procedure, I get an epidural and then a tourniquet is applied and I get to watch them work on my ankle in this freezing cold room.

An hour or so later I'm in resus, first in, first out... I am surrounded by empty bays.  Slowly as the morning wears on and my leg starts to awaken in cramping pins and needles the first of the other guys is brought through... No idea what procedure he's had.

Then another.

Then another.

Until all six bays around me are full and I'm not allowed a drink, some toast and encouraged to rub some life into my leg.

I am very clearly the only patient in this state, the others are all coming around from general anesthetics.

My surgeon pops to see me, he's very happy, I'm very happy and sure enough in the next hour I get up and for the first time since the original accident I'm not in pain in my ankle!

These other guys then start to awaken, and they don't want the nurses helping them, the female nurses, they're all deadly coy and a bit embarrassed, as I'm up and about moving my leg and getting it wrapped and a cast applied.

 "Sorry"

This voice comes across the ward.

 "Sorry for ignoring you earlier, you were just breaking the ice"

And we have a chat..... And then he drops me into the most embarrassment ever....

 For you see... he... and seemingly all the other men in the ward... have all had dick operations.

 Yes, that's right... In a room full of men about to have their john-thomas tucked or worse I made a joke about "Guess what I'm having done".

I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me.

Everyone then promptly burst into laughter at the look on my face.

A couple were having later life circumcisions due to tight foreskins, one was having a lump removed, one was just have it biopsied or something... but all dick ops...

That's why they were silent and jealous of me with my big black felt marker arrow marking me out as the luckiest bastard in that room with the least to worry about.

I think about this today, my big black felt arrow, never have I been more relieved after hearing their procedure stories.  Though they went a little pale when I said "Oh I was awake during the op and watched".