Sunday, 6 October 2013

Not a post for the Vicker to read - Strange Job Interviews

I was just watching this...

And it reminded me of perhaps the most awkward moment I've ever had in a job interview.

The interview was down in Cambridge, for a programming job, in an office about 700 yards from the Imperial War Museum Duxford... Which, to be honest, was the main draw for me.

Anyway, I remember being led up four flights of stairs, and into an attic room, where the walls were freshly plastered, this was a young, new company, there was a long table and I was sat at one end and then five guys came in.  Four took seats with note pads and stared at me whilst one chap stood by a flip chart of paper.

No-one said a word to me, I stood to shake hands, but they didn't come near, neither did they say a word, they were all very pale pasty looking geeks.  Now, I am also a geek, but back then I was freshly graduated, I had a romping sex life and I had the remnants of training hard at karate on me, so I didn't look too bad with a big mop of hair and a clean crisp suit on I was the anti-pole of these scraggly guys.

They all spoke with posher then you, style Cambridge accents, and they all held their nose when they realised I was a graduate from an ex-polytechnic...

But still they didn't say a word to me...

Next thing, the interview began... they asked me lots of maths like questions, then about my knowledge of internet payment systems - which at that time - before even PayPal was sod all.

And then whilst the chap by the flip chart started to draw something, one of them around the table suddenly asked...

"How do you stand about anal sex?  Either male on female, or male to male"

Stunned I just opened my mouth and closed it again... Was this an invitation?  Did they look so pasty as they didn't leave the office, I'd not seen a woman in the entire place so I was a little disturbed and didn't want to be cock-blocking or volunteering to sausage jockey any of this lot.. not for a job.

"I'm sorry?"

And another spoke...

"You know, fisting, BSDM, real hard core"

There was absolutely no anchor for my brain on this, it was not mentioned in the job description, I had nothing to go on...

"Well, I've been around"

Was my only reply...

"No, not you, videos, pictures that sort of thing?"

Pictures, I had the most gorgeous girlfriend at the time whom I could get to drop suck and swallow she was so horny... so I was not up on the old lads mag end of the market.

Then it clicked, their work, their business was porn, it was internet porn... They looked so pasty as they made their money being online pretending to be the female to male chatters online and charging for it whilst videos played.  And I was being hired because I had a few modules listed on my CV of Artificial Intelligence and Natural Language processing (my favourite module truth be told).

They wanted me to write a chat box, but their approach, the advert, their pay all turned me off the whole thing, they themselves made it all so seedy.

Perhaps there was money in it, I think the legality of the hardcore stuff they were talking about in Britain - at that time - was questionable, and so they did host their services overseas, so the job security was tenuous at best.

I never chased up the company, they no longer exist, and I didn't take the job, but I'd have liked to know how much money - if any - they raked out the masturbatory habits of the world.

No comments:

Post a Comment