Sunday, 16 May 2010

Pitbull Tribulations

No post about gaming today, I'm a little stunned, I've had a terrible day... it started bad and just got bizarre from there on out, at around 2pm I was sat in the living room with my lass & her folks and we suddenly heard the most almighty strange noises. Like live geese being put through a meat grinder... Everyone was stunned for a moment and I leap up and dashed out, making sure I closed my door and gate behind me. I didn't want my dog running out after me into whatever I ran into.

As I got to the gate I turned left to see this skinny wretch of a teenager being dragged around on the end of his dog lead, he's straining one way to scream for his Mum in this weird high pitched just broke voice. While a large white pitbull terrier is trying to taking him the other way. But, this is not the source of the weird noise.

So I'm looking around, and I see nothing, I'm half expecting a velociraptor to poke it's head out of a bush next to me. I say to this screaming lad "What is going on" he's clearly involved in it, and wants Mummy to come make it all better, his trouble is his Mum's out of ear shot and I'm stood there... But getting no response I turn my head in the direction of this noise and jog off.

As I get to the end of my drive and turn right, the sight that greets me beggars belief. There's another pitbull terrier with a large flesh part of the second nicest dog since lassie in it's jaws. There's a man trying to get this lovely ickle dog of his away from this beast and there's an old lady holding up two fingers which are merrily spraying blood all over the place.

Now, I need to jump in here and say, I'm a dog owner, have owned a dog and had them in the house all my life and I've always feared having a vicious dog like this thing I see before me attacking my dog. The thought of what I'd do haunts me regularly, whenever a dog comes over and snarles at my soppy soft labrador.

So I had to intervene here, this pitbull it trying to drag Lassie's long lost English cousin off into the bushes for a feast.

I run down to this scene and straddle this pitbull, I sit my whole weight on the thing. And it's bucking and going at it still, lifting me off the ground. Now this is not a massive dog tand I'm not a small man but I still felt like I needed a couple of rodeo clowns in there with me, the dog was so pumped up on adrenaline and in the midst of this blood lust it's either going to kill Lassie, or eat everything it can see until there's nothing left in the area. Including me and my testicles...

So I turn it's head to try to loosen the lock jaw it's set, this doesn't work, in fact the bastard thing snatches at my grip and sinks it's teeth into my left little finger, right down on the bone. I feel it's teeth graze along the joint of my finger, and I figure that it's going to bite my finger off. But quick as a flash the chap holding the other dog, seeing that I've got this monster under me, he puts a screw driver between it's jaws, just enough to stop it biting my finger off. But not enough to stop it eating his dog.

The old lady is still staggering about spraying blood from her fingers, and screaming for this thing to let go of her pet.

And I lost it, proper Dr David Banner Style.

And I decide there are three things left open. One - Try to distract this dog some more. Two - Throttle it to death with my own hands. Three - pick up that screw driver and plunge it into it's ear. I start out on option One.

I hold onto this things ear as hard as I can with blood pouring out of my left hand, and I punch this thing in the softest spot I can see, a point behind it's right ear. Nothing. Punch again. The dog does limp, the pet runs off. It's not distracted long and I've got this vibrating quivering muscle mass of monster dog between my thighs flat on the floor in the dirt...

What does everyone do?.... They all scatter... That's right, I'm there in the middle of this lane, holding this dog down and I've just taken all of it's attention! The chap with the other dog legs it inside with his wife spewing blood still. And suddenly I'm all alone, with this monster drooling over the smell of my testicles pressing on it's back... and then charging towards me is the owner of this monster dog, a women of her middle years, telling me to "Get off her, she's 10, she's got arthritis"... Get off this dog?.... I think fucking not. Then the owner sees the blood... I've never seen someone with red hair dye running down her face go so green so quickly.

Luckily this monster sees it's Mummy and goes limp as wet toast under me, but we still have the palava of the police and ambulance attending.

For my troubles I didn't even get a thank you from the chap who's dog I got clear of this thing. I have a sneaky feeling he thinks the mental dog was mine! I'll set him straight another day, when I ask how his wife is. Since the last time I saw her, I could see the bone in her right index finger, I think she'll remember me.

P.S. I don't recommend you punch a dog in the head, unless you know what you're up to, they're very strong with very thick skulls. I was successful as I'm aware of a dog's weak spots, and I'm also a Black belt in Karate. I'd not recommend anyone who has not spent a lot of time punching people trying this at home.

P.P.S. This only reinforces my utter total fear this will happen to my dog one day. The dog which does it to mine, will not survive meeting me, and I doubt neither will it's owner. I have a shovel and I live near farm lands... I doubt anyone will miss them.

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